I am going to my Mother

A couple had a fight after which the wife started packing her belongings.

Husband: where are you packing to??

Wife: I'm going to my mother.

Husband started packing too.

Wifewhere are you going?

Husband: I'm going to my mother.

Wifewhat happens to the children then?

Husband: you're going to your mother, I'm going to my mother, and the children will also have to go to their mother!!

Traffic Court

A young man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.
When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day.

Young Man : What for ??

Judge : Twenty dollars contempt of court! That's why!

Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented:

Judge : That's all right. You don't have to pay now.

Young Man : I know. But I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words.

It's a Miracle

A bent-over old lady entered into a doctor's office. 

Within minutes, she came out again but miraculously, 

she was standing up as straight as could be.

A man in the waiting room who had been watching her said in amazement.

Man : My goodness, what did the doctor do to you?

Lady : He gave me a longer cane!

What Time is it ??

Two drunk friends were sitting in a bar.

First drunk: Do you know what time it is??

Second drunk: Sure..

First drunk: Thanks!!

The Guardian Angel

A woman is walking on the road and a voice shouts out, "Don't take a step further."

She obeys and suddenly a ton of bricks fall on the place where she would have otherwise been.

She thinks she imagined it and keeps walking until suddenly the voice calls out again.

"Don't take a step further." She stops and a car skids past.

Then suddenly she hears the voice saying "I am your guardian angel, and I will warn you before something bad happens to you. Now do you have any questions to ask me?"

Yes! Shouts the woman, "Just where were you on my wedding day!"

Grandpa make a Frog Sound

One day a little boy asked his grandpa

Little Boy: Grandpa make a frog sound

Grandpa: why??

Little Boy: Grandma says when you croak we are going to Hawaii

Boy and School Nurse

A boy walks into the school nurse's office.
Nurse: Why are you here??

Boy: I’m sick

Nurse: sick of what??
Boy: The teacher