Boy and School Nurse

A boy walks into the school nurse's office.
Nurse: Why are you here??
Boy: I’m sick
Nurse: sick of what??
Boy: The teacher

Lady looking for Hospital

A lady was standing in the middle of a busy street. 

She saw an Officer and asked
 
Lady: Officer, can you tell me how to get to the Hospital?
Officer: Just stand where you are!!!

911 Two Girls and a Boy

A boy calls 911

Boy: Hello? I need your help!!

911: What is it?

Boy: Two girls are fighting over me.

911: So, what is your emergency??

Boy: The ugly one is winning.

Male and Female Flies

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking
around with a fly swatter.

Wife: What are you doing?

Husband: Hunting Flies.

Wife: Oh! Killing any?

Husband: Yep, 3 males and 2 females.

Wife: How can you tell which are female and which are male?

Husband: The 3 flies were on a beer can and the 2 flies were on the phone.

Behind the bush

A little boy was in church with his mother when he started feeling ill. 

Little boy: Mommy, can we leave now?

Mother: No

Little boy: Well, I think I have to throw up!!!

Mother: Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush

After about 60 seconds the little boy returned to his seat.
Mother: Did you throw up?

Little boy:  Yes

Mother: How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?

Little boy: I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy. They have a box next to the front door that says, 'For the Sick.'

The quickest way

A tourist stopped a local in a village he was visiting and asked; 

Tourist: What is the quickest way to the lake?

Villager: (After thinking for a while, he asked the tourist) Are you walking or driving?

Tourist: I'm driving.

Villager: That is the quickest way!!!

Library and doughnut

A man entered a library and asked,

Man: Can I have a Coke and a doughnut ??

Librarian: I am sorry, but this is a library.

Man: (whispering) Oh sorry, Can I have a Coke and a doughnut??